Identifying these patterns can then help you clarify what you need in a relationship and the best way to overcome problems. Understanding how your attachment style shapes and influences your intimate relationships can help you make sense of your own behavior, how you perceive your partner, and how you respond to intimacy. Those with insecure attachment styles, on the other hand, may tend to become needy or clingy in their closest relationships, behave in selfish or manipulative ways when feeling vulnerable, or simply shy away from intimacy altogether. For example, someone with a secure attachment style may be able to share their feelings openly and seek support when faced with relationship problems. By identifying your attachment style, you can learn to challenge your insecurities, develop a more securely attached way of relating to others, and build stronger, healthier, and more fulfilling relationships.Īttachment styles and how they shape adult relationshipsĪttachment styles or types are characterized by the behavior exhibited within a relationship, especially when that relationship is threatened. Whatever your specific relationship problems, it’s important to know that your brain remains capable of change throughout life. Perhaps you behave in puzzling or self-destructive ways when you’re in a close relationship? Maybe you repeatedly make the same mistakes over and over? Or maybe you struggle to form meaningful connections in the first place? However, the infant brain is so profoundly influenced by the attachment bond, understanding your attachment style can offer vital clues as to why you may be having problems in your adult relationships. Of course, experiences that occur between infancy and adulthood can also impact and shape our relationships. They may find it difficult to connect to others, shy away from intimacy, or be too clingy, fearful, or anxious in a relationship. Infants with insecure attachment often grow into adults who have difficulty understanding their own emotions and the feelings of others, limiting their ability to build or maintain stable relationships. If you experienced confusing, frightening, or inconsistent emotional communication during infancy, though, if your caregiver was unable to consistently comfort you or respond to your needs, you’re more likely to have experienced an unsuccessful or insecure attachment. As an adult, that usually translates to being self-confident, trusting, and hopeful, with an ability to healthily manage conflict, respond to intimacy, and navigate the ups and downs of romantic relationships. If your primary caretaker made you feel safe and understood as an infant, if they were able to respond to your cries and accurately interpret your changing physical and emotional needs, then you likely developed a successful, secure attachment. According to attachment theory, pioneered by British psychiatrist John Bowlby and American psychologist Mary Ainsworth, the quality of the bonding you experienced during this first relationship often determines how well you relate to other people and respond to intimacy throughout life. What is attachment?Īttachment, or the attachment bond, is the emotional connection you formed as an infant with your primary caregiver-probably your mother.
ATTACHMENT ISSUES HOW TO
Here’s how to recognize insecure attachment and build stronger, healthier connections. Love & friendship How Attachment Styles Affect Adult Relationships Struggling with relationship problems? The cause may be the attachment style you developed with your primary caregiver as an infant.
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